"And we claim the right to a radical laxity, a radical incompetence- the right to enter the analyst's office and say it smells bad there" (Eddie Murphy and Felix Guattari)

ya know, when i think about it, the handsome left is very important. obligations and duties are utter shit. but if there need exist one obligation for those on the left, one act as to which one's abstinence from would be a radical "sin" (as in intense and counterrevolutionary) this obligation must surely be to be on the handsome left. and of course mere decent looks is not enough. one must develop a certain walk, particular postures, manipulative smiles, an aura of distinction (although not in the distinguished sense), as well as various social tactics which can facilitate interaction with those who may be seduced by handsome leftists. clothing is important although we should not be too vulgar and simple-minded in our choice of attire. the art of dialectics is nothing other than the Science of Charm. those who speak of dialectical materialism without seducing their audience have a "corpse in their mouth." teleologists with oesteroclorosis who wade through life sterilizing the fuck out of anyone they come across. can dialectics break bricks? let us not ask what the question means. let us not ask what the meaning of the answer, dependent on the meaning of the question, means. the question is never successfully answered. the answer is the undesired end. the question is meant to go unanswered. can dialectics break bricks? before any response could even be uttered someone is buying you drinks and you are darting from this question to the next spiraling away from your point of departure. a martini with 18 olives, you order. no one can handle this utterance.

how does a member of the handsome left stand out? fear bourgeois individualist ideology. those so-called handsome leftists playing the romantic "last sensitive man on earth" bullshit should go the way of the landed classes. romanticists and individuals are about as useful as ugly stalinists with body odor and public hard-ons. the strategy then is of course a radical non-individualism, yet the dilemma is to stand out. the solution lies in creating yourself as radically "included" but in god knows what. of course we run into further problems here. subculturists can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. no thank you but we do not need any "i'm really hip because i dont like Mtv" nerd behavior ruining the cool image those of us on the handsome left have been trying to construct. so we run into more and more problems. the more you flush the toilet. the more the shit piles up. and up and up. solutions? they lie somewhere in the tensions of inclusion/exclusion.

can there be a manifesto of the handsome left? no. but there can be rantings/ravings of the handsome left addressed to those on the left. the handsome left does not order society. the handsome left societizes society. the handsome left does not want anything, but we will still end up with what we want. our manifesto is performative and our methodology is characterized by a psycho-pathology that is either untheorized or is outside the boundaries of my knowledge. its almost a pop-psych definition of passive-aggressivity, but with intense and precise libidinal investment.

we are co-opting ron fucking reagan's toothpaste effect and he can rot in hell for all we fucking care. the left should never have parties. that is terrible bullshit. a bunch of ugly assholes sitting around telling bad jokes about subalty history. "your fucking party was a terrible fucking drag- and no the tofu veggie dip you got from union-busting Whole Foods did not really make up for the fact that i was the best looking boy AND girl at your shitty fucking romantico-idealist-subcultural support group masquerading as a party. i hope you rot in hell right next to ronald reagan." the left should not have parties. the left should go to parties. the handsome left should be doing kegstands at frat parties. "that guy with the marxist ideology is fucking hot and can really handle his liquor." fuck it, dont handle your liquor. express the true revolutionary nature of desire that gets so fucking contorted by jocks when they try to express their revolution within the confines of their repressivity. you're fucking drunk with your pants down ranting and raving about the utter fucking impossibility of the continuation of capitalism for even another fucking second. "sell your stock you jock muthafuckers before the profit receiving classes are lined up against the wall."

to resort to shitty pop-psych. seductiveness is attitude- the dialectical attitude proper.

- George Edward Challenger, Ph.d
Institute for Post-Cryptozoological Studies